Recently we were in a church speaking. When the service was over, a woman approached me and asked if I was afraid of living in NE Asia. I had heard this question so often and the answer rolled easily off of my lips.
“No, I think the Lord has giving us confidence about living where we live because I honestly don’t feel fear about it.”
Our conversation continued on and then came the question, “What do you fear?”
It isn’t the typical question that we hear as we travel around. Usually the questions stay in the general area of our work and our day to day life in a foreign country. This question seemed deeply personal and while I wasn’t at all offended by it, it did cause me to think. What do I fear?
As I stood there, a lot of thoughts passed through my head. Not doing enough for my family and His kingdom, releasing my girls to His care, one on one conversations, inept language ability, trusting others, and my own insufficiencies as a wife and mom all make me feel incredibly vulnerable. But the thought that overpowered them all was the idea that I fear myself. I fear that I will rush into something that is not God-ordained or Spirit led. Ultimately, I fear the selfishness in my own heart that takes root and makes me unable to accomplish anything that He desires me to do.
How thankful I am for His continual grace that picks me up time and time again, right where I fall down. He brushes me off and reminds me to trust in Him for He hasn’t given me the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind, also translated self-control (2 Tim.1:7).
Fear is real, but I shouldn’t be controlled or worried by it. I have to learn to lay it all down at His feet and trust that He is able to carry me through whatever fearful situation I encounter.
So let’s just all be honest. What is it that you fear?