Today, I began looking at pictures of M, the little boy who will be my son. He looks a lot like K. They have the same striking eyes, same nose, same chin. He also looks like a thinner-faced J. In fact, we often got their pictures mixed up on first glance.
There is no regret in my heart about M becoming my son. There is no doubt that he is meant to be in our home. I am full of rejoicing at the goodness of God in giving us M. The only sadness is in losing J, a sweet little boy in need of a mommy.
I had one of those amazing moments while I sat there on the plane reflecting on all that has happened. It was a moment of clarity. As if God, Himself, were sitting next to me speaking.
I know my love for and attachment to J is one-sided. He didn’t even know I existed until we showed up in Ethiopia a few weeks ago. He was content with the life he had at the moment. He didn’t know he needed a mom and dad. And, he wasn’t at all interested in learning about us. With these thoughts going through my head, God spoke to me.
“That is exactly how my creation treats me. They are content with what they have and don’t know that I long to adopt them as sons and daughters. I long to give them a life they never knew existed.”
“For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, ‘Abba Father!’ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him.”