After all the wait, after all the tears, one might think bringing our little girl home is the easy part of adoption. It is definitely more exciting than the wait. And it feels more “real” than other steps in our adoption. But easy? I guess that depends on your definition of easy.
Monday morning I wake up with one thought, “We are adding a daughter to our home. Really, this week I’ll see her and she will come home with us. Forever.” This thought excites and terrifies me. I can feel adrenaline rising. I remind myself to breathe.
I wake up and my mind is full of all the things that I need to prepare before I leave. My heart is racing before I start moving and it doesn’t stop until I pass out at night. I go through my day bombarded with ideas, plans, and words, but nothing coherent seems to make it’s way to the surface. I’m jittery, anxious, and exhausted.
I could really use a good Chinese massage right about now. But, I know it wouldn’t help. I’d be too busy thinking about all that wasn’t getting done while I was stretched out for an hour. My mind would fight against any relaxation my body might enjoy.
Last time, I left a freezer and pantry full of food. Schedules were planned and everything was in order for my girls to stay home, alone. This trip…we are making burritos ahead of time, stocking the pantry (for those stateside this does not mean prepackaged foods, but rather nuts, fruits, vegetables, etc.) and that is it. My girls are capable, but I feel like such a bad mom to not be doing more for them. Thankfully, we have amazing friends who are willing to step in and help.
Meditating on Scripture and purposefully staying focused on my tasks has helped me endure this week. There are no doubts in regard to Hanissa. We are ready to welcome her into our family. And those future changes and challenges, which are sure to come, are not the cause of my elevated pulse.
Years of expectation are about to be fulfilled. The disappointment and tears of the past are being washed away. My heart is full; emotions are many. I am learning to be strong and courageous.
Little more than 48 hours from now, I’ll be on a plane bound for Ethiopia. The time is here to bring her home.
“The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him.” Ps. 28:&